Caroline Knecht is a fiction writer, freelance editor, and teacher of English. She likes stories that are funny, smart, dark, and absurd. Her work has appeared in Stirring: A Literary Journal and Hobart.
This sounds strange, but it is tried and true. Have a friend plug both of your ears with their fingers, like they’re trying to keep you from hearing a spoiler or a bad review. Make them squeeze really hard, until you’re almost uncomfortable. Then drink as much water as you can. Chug, chug, chug! Now have your friend release your ear flaps. Take a deep breath. Ta da! Hiccup free.
As much Arby’s as they can shuttle into the prison (I’m on death row).
Wise Blood by Flannery O’Connor